Like, Totally!

Overheard: at a Reisterstown, MD middle school

By: Jennifer Mendelsohn

Tween girl talking to a friend: "Plaid is, like, my favorite-est color!"

Duh! Everyone Knows Lindsay Is Like a Goddamned Switchboard

Overheard: On a N.J. Transit Train

By: Bruce Fretts

Idiotic girl to her equally insipid friend: "I don't tell Lindsay anything anymore. That's like updating your Facebook status. It's gonna get out there!"

Yeah? Well, I Can Totally Beat You at BrickBreaker!

Overheard: at a kids' indoor bounce house place

By: Leslie and Adam Gartenberg

1. Mom to kids: "If you don't behave, I'm going to go home and post this video on YouTube!"

2. The kids in the bounce house organizing a game of Angry Birds.

Kid One: "I'll be the yellow bird."

Kid Two: "No, me. I'm faster.""

Because, Really, What Else Does One Do With One's Winnings?

Overheard: at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City

By: Ashley Van Buren

"Remember last time when you won all your Botox money?"

Honey, I'm 42 and Still Wondering the Same Thing

Overheard: by Jennifer Mendelsohn

At: a Baltimore Party City store

Two college-aged girls buying New Year's Eve supplies.

"So when do we get, like, 'serious?' I wonder when that happens."

Ho Ho Ho! That's The Spirit, Mom!

Overheard: In the Santa Line

By: Nichole Bernier

"I don't know why we bother year after year. All you do is cry. Then you cry that you cried."

Editor's Note: This will one day be the subject of a therapy session. Mark my words.

See, Jimmy's Always Been Tricky That Way...

Overheard: Outside a Sherman Oaks, California school

By: Wendy Liebman

Three year old girl: There's Jimmy!
Mom: I don't see him, honey.
Girl: It's not the visible Jimmy.

Editor's Note: "Visible Jimmy" is totally joining my long list of possible band names, led by the perennial favorite, "Who By Beast."